Is it Possible for Two People Who Have Romantic Feelings Towards Each Other to Really Be Friends?
My Philosophy On Relationships
I’m a weird person. Not many understand me.
Also, I know that I cannot generalize and apply a blatant statement to all humans. Not everything is white or black.
BUT, I will keep this short and sweet…
I’ve told others on multiple occasions how I feel about friendships and romances.
My desire, personally, is to be platonic friends with everyone. IF one of the platonic friendships develops into a romantic relationship, I may go with it, or I may let the other person know that I’d rather stay friends (at least for now).
Well, what if a guy is ‘hot’? You may ask.
Of course, I openly admit I find all kinds of men attractive. Older, younger, all heights, weights, colors, shapes, ethnicities, accents, styles, interests, and personalities. Outward appearance, however, is not of utmost importance. There are times when I am initially attracted to a guy because of his looks but then am turned off by his spirit. OR, on the contrary, I have met people whom I did not outright think looked like an “ideal prince charming” or whatever but something about them made me like them… something they said or did or how they acted when I got to know them allowed me to see how handsome they were inside, consequently illuminating the outside also.
Now, where does the “just friends” part come in?
Even if I have romantic feelings for them (and maybe even they have them towards me, too) I believe it is possible (and, dare I say, the better idea) to still remain friends before becoming more serious. And if ‘doing the deed’ is the only thing that suddenly makes you more than friends (as some people seem to think), my goal is to ‘remain friends’ until my honeymoon night.
Yes, that may be considered extreme for some, but my personal beliefs include celibacy, therefore, I set appropriate boundaries. Whether simply platonic friends or dating, nothing more is going on between us.
Maybe that’s why I’ve never actually dated anyone. Still, I’m keeping this philosophy and trusting that God will work in His time- that His plan will prevail… whether that means I stay single for the rest of my life, or if He miraculously brings someone into my life who will respect my philosophy long enough for us to become husband and wife.
I have had many ‘friends’ over my 24… 25 years today… on Earth. Some people who had romantic feelings only stuck around long enough to find out if I reciprocated them or not. When my mom tried to matchmake me with a guy before she was aware of my platonic-friends-before-dating philosophy, I awkwardly had to tell the dude I ‘had a crush on him’ but didn’t want to date him yet. He was cute and everything. He was a nice friend. He shared most of my beliefs. BUT, that didn’t mean that I instantly wanted to jump into a romantic relationship with him. I want to be platonic first and then perhaps something more would develop. We’re still friendly, but he wanted to date and marry quickly. I let him know that I was totally fine with him dating others. Most guys who have tried to wait end up marrying another girl. So did he. And that’s fine! I have no jealousy or envy. I am proud of them, happy for them, and befriend their wives as well!
We start as platonic friends and, until I get the urge to increase our friendship past the platonic phase, we are open friends. You are free to date and whatever. I’m just here and I don’t want to hold anyone down.
Problem? Many men don’t even want to enter that phase. They see that I don’t want to date them and then say goodbye, considering me a waste of time if I don’t want to marry them on the spot. They think I’m “friendzoning” them. But, in my opinion, you have to get THROUGH the friendzone before getting to the BOYFRIENDZONE. There is no going over, around, or through.
Yeah. I’m a whacko. Especially in this society?! In this day and age?! UNHEARD OF! My own mother didn’t understand what my problem with dating was.
I’m not opposed to dating. I just think that a high school jock leaning against the cheerleader’s locker and saying;
“Ey, gurl… Wanna goh out?”
May not be the best way to enter a relationship. There is already a motive. This guy wants to date… most likely to get to an end result. The intention is not to be friends. The mission is to get a girlfriend. Even if the guy is sincere and is not only caring about a deed or solely focusing on looks, I think this relationship is inevitably more shallow than one built on pure, platonic friendship. Getting to know each other in an unromantic context. Not being fake to flatter. Not only striving for one goal with all this tension and clouding emotions. Platonic friendship is, simply, one heart sincerely getting to know another heart, whether more will come after or not.
Trust me. Sometimes, I think it’s strange, too. I’ve questioned my own philosophy. Is it too ridiculous? Unrealistic? Possibly. But I feel it is something God has laid on my heart to stick with. Whenever I try to disregard it, things backfire on me. I’m grateful for not leaping headfirst into an abyss, though sometimes I wonder if I will ever find someone who could actually be friends BEFORE dating. I try to keep the faith and listen for God’s voice.
I said “short and sweet”, didn’t I? Oh welp. I guess I’ll sum it up there. If you have any questions, feel free to ask below.
TL;DR?
Of course, it is possible for two people who have feelings for each other to be strictly platonic friends. EVEN IF they hope for more in the future.
THIS DOES NOT MEAN that it’s possible for each individual, however. And, even if POSSIBLE, doesn’t mean likely. Some people will say no. For those people, clearly, it’s hard for them. But I’m one of the people who say yes. I’ve never dated anyone, though I am ‘attracted’ to many people for multiple reasons. So, if you thought a rarity like me didn’t exist, here I am. Feel free to take pictures and write headlining newspaper articles. Tell your friends and family about this strange anomaly. And, maybe, just maybe, the word will get around to someone who thinks the same.
